Colby Ryan Lately...
I am loving being home this month...Now, if I could find a way to get paid for this, I'd totally do it :) Here are some of my favorite shots of Colby lately.. He is just such a love! He's very much a Mama's Boy, which I love, and he loves to read books and pet Princeton...Jackson won't let me get many pictures of him, so he loses out on this posting :)
There are two places Colby loves to be this holiday season...The first is looking out his window at the lights out front...He just stares & talks to the lights!!
And the 2nd place is looking at the Christmas Village..He points up there, gives some sort of grunt, and I pick him up to look at it...He smiles and laughs the whole time! We do this about 5 times a day....
Here is Spaghetti Face...I have a whole series of this scene..too funny!!
This picture is so sweet to me!!!

House Lights...Good job Daddy :)
As promised, here are pictures of our house lights....I tried to get a few different views...

Fireplace Doors!!
Kaleb installed fireplace doors on our fireplace....We've hated the eye sore of the giant hole that our fireplace was...now it looks finished! Here is a view of it and our first fire this winter! It is so cold lately..I love it!

Here are the boys helping Daddy with the doors...Colby had just gotten out of a bath, so he was a naked helper :)

Reflections...
I usually use this blog as a diary to myself, of the daily life of my beautiful children. I guess today it has a different purpose. I love to write..journaling is a part of my life, and keeping records of life is so important to me. I suppose that is why I scrapbook and blog and journal....so that someday when I am gone, my boys will know how I felt. This coming Thursday, December 13th will be the fourth anniversary of my mom's death. Each year since she died, when December 1st hits, I have a hard time getting through the days until the 13th hits..This year has been different. I have been in constant reflection (which is normal for me), but not as sad as usual. I just read this fabulous book For One More Day by Mitch Albom (who wrote Tuesdays with Morrie), and was so moved by the book. It speaks about losing someone, and the possibility of getting one more day with that person..what you would say, do, etc.

One part of the book really hit me...it said, "I hope you never hear those words. Your mom has died." Of course I remember that moment when I was told that my mom had died...It is just a surreal thing. I know that I have so much sadness, anger, resentment, and loneliness in my heart, ever since she left this earth. She never got to meet my boys, or got to see ME as a mom. When I see my friends with their moms or talk about their moms and how their moms know and love their children, it just tugs at my heart every time. I wonder if they know how lucky they are? I know they can't possibly know...You don't know what it's like, until you know.

God has blessed me with this awesome role as mom. As all of us moms know, it's a daunting task. We love it, think we're doing a good job, and then feel like we're failing. I have realized these last few weeks, that the idea of dying drives most of what I do. I don't want my boys to feel the way I do--alone, only left with my memories of her. I realized that my excessive scrapbooks, are all about my boys having that when I'm gone. My journals that I started to each of them when I was pregnant, is all about them having my written word when I am gone. In the book, there were several notes that the main character's mom had written to him. My mom wrote me notes all the time growing up..putting them in my lunch pail, my Bible, etc. I wish I had saved more of those...When I come upon something in her handwriting, I just feel like I have a piece of her right next to me. I guess this obsession with leaving my legacy behind might be a bit strange...But I do hope that someday it will bring comfort to my boys...Of course they're boys, so who knows if it will be appreciated :)

One part of the book said, "Mom. I hadn't said it in so long. When death takes your mother, it steals that word forever." This is just so true for me. I will never use that word to address someone, because my mom is no longer here. The power of that word is just so strong--I know it because I can no longer use it, and I know it because I am two little boys' mom. I wish she were here to know these fantastic boys...She would have been a great grandma, just as she was the best mom I've ever met.

Dear Santa...
Jackson wrote his letter to Santa the other night...."Dear Santa, bike...socks...light bulb...Jack love." This is one to keep forever!
Jack starting his letter....
Very focused ...
Jack and his letter all done!

Boys' Pictures
I got the boys school pictures back today..I just took pictures with my camera, so the quality isn't the best here...

The Boys Last Week
We headed to Disneyland yesterday, but it was a nightmare! There were a zillion people there, and in 3 hours, we only got to eat & go on one ride. We'll try again on a weeknight in December!
On It's a Small World, one of our Christmas favorites....
Jack waiting for It's a Small World
Super Daddy holding both boys...Let's see, between the two of them they weigh 69 pounds!

As we were leaving, it started "snowing" at Disneyland! Colby got a kick out of it!
Here are the boys putting up the lights & decorations at half time during the game....It has been so cold here lately!
I picked up these cute signs at a craft fair I went to last week...The football was up because it was our Troy Week last week (the week we play the Bruins)...We won the game & will be going to the Rose Bowl in January!! GO Trojans :)
Ka made us do a drumroll (picture the movie Christmas Vacation!) before he plugged in the lights! I didn't get any good shots of the house all done..I'll do that tonight!
Colby had his 15 month checkup last Tuesday. The doctor said he is all caught up, size wise and developmentally! Great news! He weighed in at 25 lbs, and 31 1/2 inches long..He is 50th percentile for both! That is huge improvement for him!! (Jack wanted to be weighed too, and he came in at 44 lbs, and 44 1/2 inches tall! He made it very clear to the doctor that HE did not need any shots!).
Here he is next to one of his preemie onesies I came across the other day :) I remember when even THAT was too big for him!
The Walker kids came over to play last week...we got a picture of all four of them..Cassie is 4 1/2, Jackson 3 3/4, Colby 15 months, Jonathan 3!! They played for 4 straight hours, and slept good that night :)
Jack loves "doing yetters" (letters)....He is really wanting to learn how to read, so we spend some time working on letters everyday during Colby's morning nap.
Jack & I do a Christmas Frame every year from good 'ol Oriental Trading Company...the frames come in about a thousand parts for us to glue together :) We have fun anyways!
Colby can still walk under the table & not bonk his head...he's so close though!
It poured rain all day on Friday....the boys were missing going outside at this point!